I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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