Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
