I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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