we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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