I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
