she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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