im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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