watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
