She is in my trunk
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
