so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
