and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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