he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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