So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize