he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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