i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
