I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
