Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Floor bacon is actually really good
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
