you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
