He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
