I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
