so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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