Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize