In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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