ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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