Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
