I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
