So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
