Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize