wanna go halves on a baby?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
honey bunches of taint.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
