i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Alive.
So much puke
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
