I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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