WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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