Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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