Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
