I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
