I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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