I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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