At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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