my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
