Define "chronic" masturbator.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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