I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
