what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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