he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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