singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
