yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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