When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
