Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
