I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
