i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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