Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
