Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize