I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
