I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
