your parents love me but you hate me
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
