i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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