it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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