fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
