I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I have post one night stand depression
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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