So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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