maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just pee around me
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
