I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
