Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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