thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize