Quick, to the slutcave!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
