I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize