Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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