Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
