I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
