K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
