I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the day after is always just damage control
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
