What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
