I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
