eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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