do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
